no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize