I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
