So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
