no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just invented taco cereal.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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