First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
