glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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