dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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