How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
