If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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