Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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