Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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