Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
