I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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