So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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