Ambien. No doubt about it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
