I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
