When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
