I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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