you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
