Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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