can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
