My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
