he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
