I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
