Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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