My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize