At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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