so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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