rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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