i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
