I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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