Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
