I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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