twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
