Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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