I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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