Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
