Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
