you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize