After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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