she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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