i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am mentally ready for anal.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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