I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am available for nakedness
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
