If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
