She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude i'm inner monologue high
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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