i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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