I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
