At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
