good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Pooping to opera.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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