Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
