You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
