using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
