people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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