that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
