Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
