i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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