Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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