oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
