part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
