youre lurking in front of me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
