Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do herpes really smell.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
