community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
