wanna go halves on a baby?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
