Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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