I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
