So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
