I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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