while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
