So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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