Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I did not marry a roomba.
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