"it" just moved
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
